Page 33 - Talented Astrologer • Volume 2 Number 1 • Winter 2019

were getting divorced. At the time, my parents had been married for about 30 years (they made it to 50 before my father passed away), and even as I was experiencing the thought, I knew it was insane. And I was clearly in no state to learn that even though they no longer slept in the same bed, they still spent time in it together. I needed someplace to go lie down—and given what I now knew what went on in both bedrooms (and both beds), I was ready to check into a hotel.
Once I recovered from the series of shocks, I had to ask myself what happened. And I realized I had run headlong into a deep, unconscious expectation in my
Marriage Blueprint: partners in a romantic relationship sleep in the same bed together.
This may not seem like a shocking revelation, so let me walk you through it.
First, there’s the level of general observations about committed romantic relationships. On this level, if I set out to describe things associated with a marriage or committed romantic partnership, “sleeping in the same bed together” would probably show up somewhere on the list. It wouldn’t be in the top ten, but certainly it’s something that I associate with these
relationships.
Next, there’s the conscious, personal
level: the things that I would like to describe my personal romantic relationships. These are the experiences that show up when you build your romantic relationship vision board or set your intentions about the kind of romantic partnership you would like to experience. Most people have engaged
in some version of this exercise at some point in their lives. I realized that if I made this list, “sleeping in the same bed together” wouldn’t be on it.
It wouldn’t be on the list because on the deepest, most unconscious level, “sleeping in the same bed together” is such a fundamental expectation about a committed romantic relationship that it practically defines that type of relationship for me. This was the revelation.
When I learned that my parents no longer slept in the same bed, my unconscious expectations kicked in.
To me, that meant their marriage was over. Unconsciously, it wasn’t possible to be married and not sleep together. Objectively, this is silly. It’s entirely unreasonable to expect that marriage requires giving up a good night’s sleep. But until that moment, when I was confronted with my unconscious expectations, I could never
accept that.
I also realized, on reflection, that this unconscious
expectation had created a great deal of conflict and difficulty in some of my past romantic relationships. I enjoy sleeping with my partner. But when past partners were unwilling or unable to spend the night,
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RELATIONSHIPS