Page 43 - Talented Astrologer • Volume 1 Number 12 • November/December 2017
P. 43

other, it may help to set some ground rules with them
before introducing them to our family traditions.  ese ground rules might include an agreement not to encourage our family members to tell embarrassing
stories about us. Our partners are more likely to
agree to this when we remind them that we’re having  anksgiving dinner at their family’s house next year, and my, won’t it be interesting to hear what their family
has to say about them.
Stupid Question #3:
“Have You Heard How Well ____ is Doing
These Days?”
 is line of questioning is a rather obvious request for validation. When our Aunts and Uncles want to brag about how happy and successful our cousins are, what’s the harm in listening for a while? Even if we  rmly believe that they’re bragging about their children’s
triumphs in order to make us look bad by comparison, we must recognize that this is our issue, not theirs. If we feel that validating our relatives and praising their accomplishments takes away from the recognition that we feel we deserve for our accomplishments, then we need to learn how to manage our own validation
accounts more e ciently. As always, the most
e ective way to get other people to
validate us is to meet their validation needs  rst. When we spend ten minutes or so listening to Aunt Ruth and appearing genuinely appreciative of how
Cousin Carol is settling in to her new mansion with her rich, successful husband and her two beautiful children, we make Aunt Ruth feel validated.  is is a very powerful — and completely unexpected — experience for Aunt Ruth. For one thing, everyone else is sick to death of listening to her brag about Carol and her rich husband, neither of whom, by the way, ever manage to attend these little family gatherings.
Validating Aunt Ruth can have some substantial bene ts as well. For one thing, when she’s done talking about Carol, she’s likely to be genuinely interested in hearing us brag about what’s going on in our lives,
which makes a nice deposit in our own validation accounts. And when we’re done, she’s likely to report back to our parents and compliment them on how well
we turned out.  is is hard currency when it comes to family relationships.  e gratitude from Aunt Ruth could mean that our parents leave us alone and pick on our siblings instead.
When we no longer feel the need to compete with our relatives, we can transform our relationships
with them.
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