Page 41 - Talented Astrologer • Volume 1 Number 12 • November/December 2017
P. 41

Changing Our Scripts: Smarter Answers to Stupid Questions
In the battle strategy of family dynamics, certain questions are the conversational equivalent of a shot across the bow.  ese are the questions that, in the past, have been reliable incitements to riot. Many of the arguments that have grown from these questions have almost become cherished heirlooms, to be dusted o  and shared on special family occasions. If we want to avoid participating in these particular family traditions, we will need to watch out for these questions, and be prepared with new answers to them.
Stupid Question #1:
“Why Aren’t You Married Yet?”
Family gatherings are often excuses to terrorize unmarried relatives. We won’t even consider the inherent rudeness of questions such as, “Why aren’t you married yet?” In far too many cases, blood ties seem to be an excuse for bad manners.  e
reality is that if we happen to be single, we can expect that at least some of our relatives (usually the older, married ones) will ask us point blank
why it is that we are still single.
We know from exploring Chapter 8 that the question, “Why am I still single?” can be
a very painful one to consider. We also know that the only true answer to this question is that we’re single because we do not choose to be in a relationship.  is, however, is only the true and appropriate answer when we ask this question of ourselves. When other people ask us this question, the only true and appropriate answer is, “Mind your own damned business.” Alas, while this answer is true and appropriate, it’s unfortunately not
polite.  en again, neither is the question itself. When a family member asks us this question, they’re not interested in the answer. Asking the question is
an attack in and of itself.  is question is speci cally designed to make a deposit in their validation account by making us feel less worthy.
One of the safest answers to this question is some variation of, “I just haven’t met the right man/woman
yet, I guess.” If possible, say this in a slightly self- deprecating way, and then notice someone across theroomthatyousimplymustgreet.
I should point out that if your objective is to surviveyourfamilygatheringwithaslittle pain and su ering as possible, it’s
best to avoid any new, surprising, or potentially controversial revelations. For example, when your Aunt Marge asks you why you haven’t settled
down and gotten married, “I just haven’t met the right
woman yet,” isaperfectly acceptable responseunlessyouhappen
to be female. When and
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