Page 40 - Talented Astrologer • Volume 1 Number 12 • November/December 2017
P. 40

we are less successful, accomplished, and generally wonderful than we truly are.
We must be willing to lose every single family argument we encounter. Letting our family members win the argument allows them to feel safe and validated. As long as we remember that we create our own safety and validation, and we do not need
we  nd ourselves using any of these words in a similar context, it’s a red  ag that we’re focused on the past and not on the present. Likewise, when our family members use these words about us, they’re relating to us as we were then, not as we are now.
As soon as we become aware that we are using these words, we must stop. It’s likely that our use of these words
has made our family member feel unsafe and invalid. having used one of these
to compete with our family the argument because it will help us to win the war. We must let our family members believe that they are right about whatever the issue is, no matter how blatantly wrong they actually are.
We know the truth.  at will have to be enough for us.
TIP #5: Always, Ever, Never
members, we can lose
air-raid sirens.  ey signal
that an attack has been launched and it’s time to duck and cover. Speci cally, we must avoid some of our favorite statements in our family relationships such as,
“You always behave this way,” “When have you ever supported me?” and “You never give me any credit.” If
“As long as we remember We can apologize for
that we create our own safety and validation, and we do not need to compete with our family members, we can lose the argument because
it will help us to win the war. We must let our family members believe that they are right about whatever the issue is, no
If we want to relate to our
family members as they are
now and not as we remember
them being in the past, we
must eliminate three words
from our vocabulary: always,
ever, and never. In the lexicon
of family “discussions,” always, wrong they actually are.” ever and never are relationship
matter how blatantly
words, and acknowledge that we have been unfair. Something about the current discussion has triggered an unpleasant association for us. If appropriate, we can rephrase the statement, keeping it speci c to the present.
If we’re on the receiving end of always, ever, never statements, we can choose to respond, rather than to react. In the middle of a family get-together, the wisest choice is often to de ect the statement, perhaps even acknowledge that the statement may
have some validity when applied to the past, and then change the subject. If the discussion has uncovered an old wound, the wound will still be there for us to heal at a more appropriate time and in a more appropriate environment.
42 Talented Astrologer
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