Page 39 - Talented Astrologer • Volume 1 Number 12 • November/December 2017
P. 39

relationships with our families will shift dramatically. Our family members are some of the most powerful teachers we will ever encounter in our lives.  ey also tend to be the most accurate and powerful mirrors for us, which, of course, is why we often  nd it so di cult to love and accept our family members unconditionally. In order to love our family members, we would also need to be able to love and accept ourselves.
Even so, we can love our family members unconditionally and still only choose to sit down to eat with them once a year.
TIP #3: Use the Bathroom as a Sanctuary When Needed
In our other relationships, we can usually recognize when we feel unsafe and move to a safe space so we can disengage our egos. Once we restore the balance in our safety account, we can return to the discussion and
explore it without feeling threatened—and without threatening our partner in return. When we feel unsafe in our family relationships, however, many of us feel that we’re obligated to stay and  ght.
 is is simply not the case.
When we are aware that we feel
triggered by a family member, we can simply choose to excuse ourselves and visit the bathroom.  e bathroom is the one place that we can be assured of our privacy, and we can stay there as long as we need to. We can use the bathroom as a sanctuary where we can regain our composure and gather our strength so that we feel
safe enough to return to the battle. If any of our family members are
indelicate enough to comment on how much time we seem to be spending in the bathroom, we can always plead an upset stomach or a weak bladder.
TIP #4: Lose the Battle to Win the War
We have to be very clear about our objectives in terms of our family relationships. If our ultimate goal is to improve our family relationships, we have to be willing tostayfocusedonthebigpicture. emostdi cult lesson for most of us to accept is that in order to win the
war, we have to be willing to lose the battle. Our long- term objective is to feel more safe and more validated in our family relationships. To reach this goal, we must help our family members to feel safe and validated. In order to do this, we must be absolutely clear that we are capable of meeting our own safety and validation needs.
We often experience our families as competitive environments. Our old blueprints tell us that there’s a limited amount of safety and validation available, and that we must compete with the other members of our family to meet our needs. We insult and snipe at each
other because we can only feel safe and validated if the balance in our accounts is greater than the balance in everyone else’s accounts.  e more we care about earning other people’s approval and validation, the more vulnerable we are. When one of our family members makes a comment designed to make us feel less valid, we do not need to defend ourselves. We can recognize that this person is asking to be validated, and we can validate them. Sometimes, this means letting them think that
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